Sunday 29 March 2009


Max is ironing, I’m (sitting down for a change and) watching the build up to the Boat Race, don’t care who wins but I do like looking at the very strong men....

Max strikes up a convo:

‘Mum, do you know what a soul is?’

‘I’m not sure, what is it?’

‘It's a little ghost inside your body and when you die it stays there and makes you good. I think.’

Cool, that’s explained then.

I have just re-read my last entry, I sounded so happy, and I was. Unfortunately just hours later my mum was ambulanced to hospital, after blacking out and falling three times. She often does and this is usually put down to her heart condition, atrial fibrillation. My sis and I went with mum to hospital and stayed with her until gone 10pm. She was admitted with respiratory failure but we didn’t know why. A week later she’s still there and we still don’t know why her heart and lungs don’t work properly. She’s been on a ventilator this week and has responded to that but I’m hoping to goodness that this can be managed without her needing to be on a machine for the rest of her life. She didn’t suffer any broken bones this time, but did sprain her ankle badly. Mum’s been on a heart monitor all week, has had CT scans, xrays, blood tests and echo scans – hopefully will have some news soon.
Yesterday she started hobbling round the ward.
I haven’t taken the boys to see her as she’s on a heart ward with some very poorly people (I saw a very old lady dying a couple of days ago) but the boys have been very patient with me, dropping them off here and there, up and down the M20, eating rushed dinners and not having any clean clothes or exciting pack lunches.

Poor mum, she lives alone, is very unwell, disabled and is only 56. She called me mum the other day, broke my heart. Get well soon mum, we’ve got to plant your summer seeds.

Sunday 22 March 2009

Mother's Day!

This is a first this year; I’m sitting on my patio, in the sunshine, with lappie and nettle tea, the cat, sans plaster, is sitting next to me and we’re both squinting in the sunlight. I have washing gently swaying on the line, I can smell my earthy garden, can hear children playing a few doors away and some poor soul is hoovering. I can hear birds too, I get a lot of birds in my back garden.

So I woke up this morning, with cat, and the house was quiet at 7.30am. I am cooking a big roast for my mum and sister later so I got up to put the joint (pork actually) in the oven. Whilst waiting for the oven to heat up I emptied the washing machine, pegged out some clothes, emptied the bin, put more laundry on, tidied up the bit of mess from last night’s (Wierd Walker’s) crisps/red wine/curry fest and then made myself a cup of strong coffee and a cup of nettle tea and took both back to bed.

Within the hour I could hear stirrings and before long I could hear clanking coming from the kitchen – and the microwave kept pinging!!!! Nobody, I mean NOBODY, but myself ever uses the microwave so I got excited realising that Mother’s day was not forgotten and that I was going to have a feast brought to me in my bed! Half an hour went by, the microwave pinging every minute or so. Nothing was brought to me and so I waited patiently in bed, with my lappie reading the sad news of the day. A good time later my entire brood walked in, in a varying state of undress, Eli carrying toast and coffee, Max with cards (see pic!) and flowers and chocs and Luke with a hyacinth pot and floating candles....ah, I grin as I am pleased and they’re happy because I look happy with their gifts.

‘So what was being made in the microwave?’ I ask.

Eli explained that he tried to make me scrambled egg ‘but it turned out wrong’. Hmmm, probably something to do with the fact that he nuked the egg for about half an hour, but no matter. Jam and Marmite are lovely.



Thursday 19 March 2009

It's blooming March already!

I've been rubbish, I've been busy, I'm trying to catch up:
My Ellis has gone away for a few days on an adventure weekend with his class – he’ll be rock climbing and swimming and high rope walking...having a ball, I bet. He was looking forward to it and I’m pleased that he’s having a good time away from the daily grind of battling for attention with his brothers, and from me nagging him to tidy his room....

My Luke is looking for work (!) He has put his name down for a paper round, he’s been valeting our cars and my friend, Mrs B, has offered him a job clearing her garden. I think, at last, Lukey is realising the value of work, money, autonomy and consequence.

My Max makes me laugh. He tells me that he’s going to go to church with his class and that he’ll be singing hymns. I tell him that I love singing hymns (takes me right back to an innocent life) and he says ‘You love hymns more than your boyfriend?’

MM and I have been very busy tarting up my house. MM has been smoothing walls and sanding down and painting and filling. The house is still up for sale, you see – to enable MM and me to have a home together – but I’ve had no offers so we’re splashing the cash to interest potential buyers. And we now have a master bedroom, and new carpets and windows on order, watch this space.

My puss broke a toe and is in plaster. He’s been housebound, which has driven the poor feline nuts – he looks a right nobber with his leg in plaster, see pic below!

And then there’s me. At time of writing I am angry and disappointed that my ex has chosen Mother’s Day to use as an excuse to have a dig at me; I thought that all of the bickering and bitching was behind us. I’m not a massive fan of mother’s day, or father’s day for that matter, (neither my mum or dad are the conventional ‘be there for you’ parent) but I would like to think that my own efforts, hard work and tribulations are recognised on one day of the year. Now thanks to my bitter ex my boys won’t get the opportunity to buy me a card, which is going to be embarrassing for them, and all because their dad won’t face up to the fact that I’m doing an OK job. Bugger him, I don’t need his validation, do I?