I’ve been a single mum for seven years today. It’s seven years today that the boys’ dad decided to leave and go and live with someone else. I’m over it, but I’ll never be allowed to forget it as the date just happens to also be my son’s birthday.
When my boys were younger I was so preoccupied with the practical stuff, the logistics, earning the dough and paying the bills that I forgot to enjoy them whilst they were little. Now I'm mature enough to see the beauty in their funny ways, and their innocence, I really enjoy their company. Their dad and I had a happy marriage, although it ended sadly with him leaving me for a much younger girl whilst I was 6 months preggers with Maxi…not a good time but hey ho, it’s made me the girl I am today, ie incurably independent, and not afraid to graft. I’ve come to believe that life’s a series of tests, which is exhausting but finally gives a purpose and I only hope that my kids, or any kids, learn from my mistakes/life. What is your life worth if nobody learns from it? This thinking keeps me wrapped up in yester-year, my melancholy, romantic view on human nature…we’re too intellectual an animal to let the past pass us by without reaping some reward. I see the simplest plant growing, I hear the clearest voice of a bird in my garden, I remember a wave dying on a beach and I truly believe that they’re put there to teach me something, a sign from somewhere to keep us grounded to the life that we’re put here for. I get to the age of 35 (ahem) and finally feel that I get it, I finally see what all the fuss it about; when we’re young we don’t see it but it’s when we lose/gain people that we see the life that’s most important. I'm really worried that not many people share that with me, I almost feel like I'm dying cos there’s so much I haven’t seen/done and that I'm running out of time.
On Monday I attended a wonderfully sincere funeral for a lovely lady who was taken too soon. Kind of put me in my place and made me realise what's important.
When my boys were younger I was so preoccupied with the practical stuff, the logistics, earning the dough and paying the bills that I forgot to enjoy them whilst they were little. Now I'm mature enough to see the beauty in their funny ways, and their innocence, I really enjoy their company. Their dad and I had a happy marriage, although it ended sadly with him leaving me for a much younger girl whilst I was 6 months preggers with Maxi…not a good time but hey ho, it’s made me the girl I am today, ie incurably independent, and not afraid to graft. I’ve come to believe that life’s a series of tests, which is exhausting but finally gives a purpose and I only hope that my kids, or any kids, learn from my mistakes/life. What is your life worth if nobody learns from it? This thinking keeps me wrapped up in yester-year, my melancholy, romantic view on human nature…we’re too intellectual an animal to let the past pass us by without reaping some reward. I see the simplest plant growing, I hear the clearest voice of a bird in my garden, I remember a wave dying on a beach and I truly believe that they’re put there to teach me something, a sign from somewhere to keep us grounded to the life that we’re put here for. I get to the age of 35 (ahem) and finally feel that I get it, I finally see what all the fuss it about; when we’re young we don’t see it but it’s when we lose/gain people that we see the life that’s most important. I'm really worried that not many people share that with me, I almost feel like I'm dying cos there’s so much I haven’t seen/done and that I'm running out of time.
On Monday I attended a wonderfully sincere funeral for a lovely lady who was taken too soon. Kind of put me in my place and made me realise what's important.
4 comments:
I also feel like I'm running out of time, days, weeks, months and years just fly by but my life seems to stay at the same point, it's just my body that gets older. I just know I am going to have so many regrets, so many,'I wish I had' But unfortunately to be able to cope in today's world it has to be work, work all the way. I try so hard to find those quality moments, and occasionally like, you a bird's song, my favourite place on the beach (wave photos) and those spur of the moment times with the people I love do keep me grounded and remind me that life is not all about money and work, then I get another bill in, and so it goes on. All I can hope for is that I soon find a balance, I don't want it to be too late.
My ex also left me for a much, much, much younger model, he was 36, she was 18, Jack wasn't even a year, so I understand that feeling only too well. Who'd have thought after 'associating' through work we'd have so much in common
x Lynbo x
Funerals do that don't they, make you see things a little clearer.
Belated Happy Birthday to your Son!
And fank yooo for nice comment/followy thing :o)
xxx
Congratualations on the 7 years and 9 days! What a mile stone - the strong survive, the strongest thrive!
Gosh is 35 old? Don't think so though. Maybe I'll find out in 3 years (minus 3 weeks).... on the whole it's been jolly good so far. And you know what they say - you're only as young as the man you feel.
Who said 35 was old??!
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